Dealing with academic rejection

Admittedly, I was planning to write my first blog post months ago, but the thought of submitting a piece of writing on Politics as my first post is daunting to me. Thus, I decided to write a much more personal piece about my rather unsuccessful results day, (inspired by my lovely friend and her oxbridge application)!

To truly appreciate my journey with education I think it is important to understand why I ended up choosing to study LLB Law at the university of Birmingham. I was always a fairly intelligent child growing up, I found high school pretty easy. However, when I moved to a private school in year 10, I think I faced the biggest case of imposter syndrome. I had totally underestimated by abilities and faced a major loss of confidence, this mirrored in my work and I had left high school with pretty average GCSE's. For me, GCSE results day has significant importance to me because this was when I realised how much I had equated my self worth to my academic success. I lost my enjoyment of STEM subjects, which admittedly were the best subjects for me through out high school and therefore my very much sought after idea of studying economics was something that seemed like it would no longer come to fruition. As a result of fairly average GCSE's, I struggled to choose subjects I was allowed to take for A Level. I ended up choosing English literature, history and politics.

My sixth form experience was two of my best years, despite year 13 being very intense. My love for Politics and History had grown significantly through out my period of study, and I was fortunate to have teachers who had only positively impacted this. Ultimately, my decision to study Law had come from my increased interest in debating (parliamentary style and Model UN) and I felt like Law as a degree, amalgamated the skills I love with both Politics and History.

The application process to university was a stressful, but also exciting nonetheless. Coming to the decision to choose the university of Birmingham was something that I felt honoured what I looked for in a university; diversity, a great campus and attainable entry grades. I had received an offer for AAAB which I felt increasingly confident about achieving. Through out sixth form, my dedication to achieving good grades was something that I am proud of, I learnt discipline and learnt that to truly be able to achieve good grades, I have to go outside of my subjects and expand my interests. I had thrown myself into extra reading and it only further increased my confidence in producing essays I felt reflected a good student. Despite the adversities I had faced in my personal life during my sixth form experience, I can always say I was devoted to my subjects and achieving my grades to study at university. However, I had recently learnt that my hard work was not going to be recognised.

Results day 2020. My confidence was knocked again as I experienced yet another humbling results day. I had unfortunately missed the grades for both my firm and insurance choice, with grades AABC. Despite the shock and frustration, I felt robotic on results day, as I called up any good university in order to receive a university offer. I received offers from Queen Mary's for Politics and International Relations, as well as an offer from the University of Southampton to study LLB Law. On the surface level, these offers seemed great to me- they validated the hard work I put in during the duration of the 2 years and masked the feeling of failure. Despite the momentary comfort I had when receiving these offers, the sobering feeling that I missed the grades to study at the university I had imagined myself going to the past year was the feelings I went to bed on. I quickly came to realise after numerous conversations with my parents, friends and teachers, that the feeling of academic rejection is not a justified reason to accept a place at a university which I knew nothing of. I had to remain loyal to my original plan, even if it meant taking a gap year whilst I undergo the appeals process. This was one of the many important lessons I have learnt as a result of this.

What else I can take from my results day:

.I cannot equate self worth to academic success in all cases.

If I had done this then I would have undoubtedly sent myself into hysteria during the past couple of days. However, it is important to realise that when you have tried your best, there is nothing more you can do. Year 12 me would have been surprised at this take, but it is important that the success I can take from this is the knowledge that I have gotten through 3 intense subjects and even when I received grades in English I wasn't proud of, I continued to work hard, despite the feeling of my confidence shattering.

.Allow yourself to be frustrated, but don't allow yourself to dwell.

I have handled rejection in this case well, despite the odd tears. I know that getting rejected from Birmingham is not a reflection on my abilities. This was hard to process for a day or so, as I saw fellow law students posting their successful entry into Birmingham all over social media; I had found myself questioning myself. Although the system that decided the grades were decided were ultimately unjust, some people managed to still do well, and if I wasn't one of them, does that mean I am not truly good enough? However, with the guidance of a few close friends, erasing irrational thoughts was the best thing I could have done. It has allowed me to persist with my application to Birmingham.

.The third take I have from results day is that perseverance is key (as cliche as it sounds).

If I gave up at the first hurdle, the rejection from Birmingham, I would have been settling. These set of grades I got on results day are not mine, they are grades which have been assigned to me by an algorithm. If I let an algorithm determine my degree and my future plans, I know that in the years to come I would face an overwhelming bout of resentment for my past self.

Although I still believe that academia is important to me, I now know that it isn't just getting the grades which is important to be successful. It is in moments of rejection, self doubt and frustration where formative characteristics can develop. For me, it has taught me that grades are one half of the coin which will make me successful, the rest is reliant on my perseverance and grit. If any of you are in the same position that I am in, know that I will be ensuring that I will do everything in my power to be studying law in Birmingham and if you feel that you are settling, then where circumstances allow, ensure that you take every step to be where you want to be.

Although I said I was avoiding writing a Political first post - this was bound to be political. Myself and thousands of students faced a similar situation to me this results day, the feeling of confusion, frustration all encompassed by the rejection we saw on UCAS track. It is difficult to understand how the government has failed us so heavily, and seeing fellow peers miss their medicine offers and apprenticeships has only perpetuated my disgust with the current government. I urge you all to do everything in your power to hold the government to account, write to your MP, and if you're from Greater Manchester share your story on https://ourpass.co.uk/guide/exams/ .

I have a great sense of clarity since writing this and if this has resonated with a single one of you, I hope you know that you're not alone in this. I truly hope all of your post 18 plans will work out, I will be sure to keep you all updated on mine.

UPDATE: I am happy to be able to update you all in the January of 2021 having finished my first semester studying Law at the University of Birmingham. I'm grateful that my hard work has been acknowledged and I'm looking forward to the next couple years here. Always stick to your gut feeling and persevere. If anyone is in a similar position when reading this, feel free to contact me through my details listed on my website.